A new health challenge

Hi friends,

So it has been over two years since I have written anything here, but am back for at least a one time post. I have some information I would like you to know and I don't know a better way to get this information out to everyone, as I have, luckily never had to share such information before. So, sorry for doing it in this semi-impersonal way. 

The short story: I have a large mass on my right ovary that will be removed during my surgery at 9:30am (mtn time) on Monday, February 1st. 

The longer story: I have been having some abdominal discomfort and bloating since mid-December. I finally went to see the doctor two weeks ago and last Friday I had an ultrasound and a CT scan. They showed a large mass that appears to be growing on my right ovary. On Tuesday (January, 26 2016) I met with the gyn-oncologist who has scheduled me for surgery to have the mass removed next Monday. At this point, I do not know if it is cancer because the mass is large enough that it will need to be removed regardless of what it is (there is no point for an initial biopsy). I will know more about what it is on Monday when the mass is removed and analyzed.

So, what does that mean? At this point, it means that I will have a major surgery on Monday. It means I'll be off work for the next 4-6 weeks. It means that I am nervous and uncomfortable. It means that I would love any extra positive thoughts, prayers, love, chants, etc that you have to spare. 

I am all about the truth being out there rather than rumors. I don't mind if people know (a few more positive vibes couldn't hurt) but don't plan on making any facebook announcements. So, if you think someone would like to know, it is okay to tell them. I have sent this to you because I would want to know if you were in this situation and therefore believe the opposite is also true. Feel free to ask questions if you have any, I will hopefully be able to send out an update on Tuesday after the surgery.

I love you all and hope you are doing well. 

The Endangered Forests of Guatemala

This past weekend I had a different, eye-opening sort of adventure here in Guatemala. Two friends of mine, Paul (he was assistant principal when I taught at Mitchell) and Max (met him through Paul) are working to start an organization called RIOS Guatemala. The organization "fosters the enjoyment, preservation and restoration of Guatemala’s wild river ecosystems primarily through sponsoring responsible travel to natural areas that conserves the environment and improves the well being of the local people." (Read more here: www.riosguatemala.com) They are also hoping to build a base camp that will provide a location for education as well as adventures. There is a man (Horacio) who owns a piece of land and is looking for someone who wants to buy it, but also preserve it. So, Paul and Max invited me to explore this piece of land and see if it is the right land to start working on their dream.

On Saturday we all got together to explore the land. It is pretty amazing how much area he owns. We started the trip in the upper part of his land on horseback. On a rather unimportant side note, this trip made me realize that I am not really comfortable on a horse. I thought I was, but going up and down steep rocky trails and deepish (would have been chest deep for me) rivers taught me otherwise. Also, if you have a boney butt, and have not been on a horse in over ten years, it is probably best to not be on one for four hours! The things is, despite my nervousness and butt pain (and the bugs), I loved it. It was an amazingly beautiful area. There were places with views where we would be able to see the lake (if it weren't so smoky) as well as areas completely enclosed with trees of different types and sizes. I could just imagine running and hiking the trails or camping out under the structures Horacio had built. I don't think my photos or description does the area justice. But I left there in love with the area, wishing I had the money to buy and preserve it.

Heading out

Deep river crossing (Max was not dry by the end!)

Simpler river crossing

Ceiba tree - my favorite! 

When we finally got back to the car, we were all starving and decided to drive to the town of El Estor for lunch. On the way there, we saw the horror and destruction that could come if that area is not preserved. Areas that had been forest were now fields. Much of the land is being sold or leased out to grow sugar, African Palms (to make palm oil), rubber trees, and bananas. It was unbelievable the stark contrast from the lush forest I had been in less than an hour ago. This past December I did the same drive and don't recall seeing any of it. My mom e-mailed me today saying she remembered it as a "beautiful area." I don't think anyone can describe it that way any more.

Fields that had been cleared and are now being burned

Trees that had been dug out

To add more contrast to our day, we ate lunch at an ecohotel surrounded by lush forest, right on the lake. As we were eating, three monkeys and two iguanas (all wild) decided to make an appearance.

Monkeys in the tree at lunch

Driving through the area of destruction was even harder the second time because I really had a chance to look at it. It was no longer shock I felt, just sadness. I understand that the people who own the land want the money that comes from the products that are being grown, but I really don't get it. It is such a beautiful area, I just want to shake them and then take them to the forest and help them understand what they are doing. Not only are they destroying the trees, but are driving out the animals, not to mention that the smoke from burning the trees has created a constant haze over the country.

Empty fields and dead trees

Fields cleared to plant sugar cane

Fields of African palms with forest in the back

That night we slept on Horacio's land in a house by the lake and woke to a tree full of howler monkeys. I felt as if they showed up to tell us how important it is to preserve their land.

Marshland with crocodiles (we didn't see them) on the property

Paul and Horacio looking at the monkeys in the tree

I have no solution to this problem, nor any idea of really where to start. What Horacio is doing is amazing. He has a great relationship with the people who live near his land and they work together to preserve the forest they have. His love of trees was apparent every time he showed us a seedling that was healthy and made sure a stick was put next to it to prevent people from stepping on it. I also think that RIOS Guatemala is a fantastic idea. They can work from there to preserve rivers in the area and preserve the forest while they are at it. I wish it was all that easy, but as always, there are logistics to work out, money to be raised, etc.

I guess for me, for now, I will share what I saw. I will show my students, they will be the ones running the country someday. I will not forget what I saw. I will not eat sugar. And I will jump at any opportunity to help. Because what is happening is just not okay.  

Zone 3

This weekend I got the opportunity to spend some time in one of the poorer areas of Guatemala City. This is a rare experience, because as a "gringa" it is not usually safe to go. But a friend of mine (Annette) works for Young Life there and invited me along to a mini fundraiser they were having.

A little background information: For those of you who do not know, Guatemala City is divided into 22 zones. You know a lot about an area just by knowing the zone. I live in Zone 15 which is one of the wealthier zones and Zone 10 and 14 are the "downtown" areas, zone 1 is where the market and a lot of the older buildings are, etc.

All I knew about zone 3 was that it is where the dump is and where I don't want to accidentally end up. I had been a few times before with Annette to pick up one of the players on our soccer team, but had not really spent time there and had no real idea what it was like, until Sunday. And I still have almost no idea what it would be like to live there.

So, on Sunday Annette and I went to help out and support a fundraiser put on by some of the volunteers. Annette told me not to bring anything and just put a little money in my pocket. When we got there, however, she pulled out her big purse which contained her wallet, phone and a rather fancy camera. She explained to me that the people know her and they know Young Life and because of that they leave her alone. They know how helpful Young Life is to their community.

For the first hour or so, we just hung out, helped them set up, played soccer with a few of the kids (and got beat). But there were not may people so it was decided that they should walk around the neighborhood and "advertise" the party. Annette asked if I wanted to go.  I would be lying if I said that I was not nervous. Being two tall, blond girls, we got a lot of stares, and it was quite uncomfortable. But Annette assured me I would be okay. We walked up the street a little and then through a small opening in fencing. Behind it was a narrow cement path about the width of a normal sidewalk. On both sides of the path were walls behind which were people's homes. And by home I mean (or at least what I could see) a room or two full of people. I don't even know how to explain it. It was beyond anything I thought to imagine. I wish I could paint a better picture, or put how I felt into words.  It was overwhelming for me even though we were only walking around for about ten minutes.  

After we left the fundraiser, I asked Annette to explain more about the people living there. Here is what I understand. Everyone living there's work is related to the dump. The people who are lowest in the system work in the dump. They spend every day sifting through other people's trash attempting to find something that could be sold or reused. The lowest of these people only get to look through the trash from poor neighborhoods while others get "nicer" trash. Once they find things they either keep it and use it or sell it to middle men. The middle men are one step higher in the system. They buy the bottles, cardboard, plastic, etc. and sell it to people or places who will recycle it. The highest workers are the ones that work on the garbage trucks. They drive around the city and pick up people's trash. Again the highest get to work in nicer neighborhoods. As they are collecting the trash they go through it and find anything they think they can sell or use. So once the trash makes it to the dump, it has already been gone through once. And this is their life, working in and with trash. Nothing is wasted. There are even people who collect the leftover food from restaurants and resell it in the neighborhood. Hard to imagine.

But I think we need to imagine it. I get caught up in my pretty decent life working with wealthy kids and forget that it is not the norm. Yesterday I had trouble sleeping because I was stressed about some of my finances. But what I have to deal with is nothing compared to the people I saw and met in zone 3.

I am so glad that Annette invited me along this weekend and that I took her up on it. It really opened my eyes to what this city is like outside my little bubble. It made me appreciate what I have a lot more and makes me want to do more for those in this city that have so little. The two hours I spent there are going to stick with me for a while. They probably should.  


Here are a few photos (thanks Annette)

Their goalie, he was pretty tough!

Our intense soccer game (we lost)

Bubbles :) 

Some volunteers getting the food ready

Back to Guate - Year Two

So it has been a while since I have written. Many of you (including myself) possibly forgot that I even had a blog. Well, here we go again. So, I returned to Guatemala over a month ago psyched to be returning. I don't know if it is the country, being out on my own, being back to work, or some combination of those and other things that makes me a different person while I am here. Or at least a stronger, more productive person.

It was hard and sad to leave friends and family behind, and hard to think about the friends that would no longer be here when I returned. In fact, none of my closest friends came back. And yet, I was excited to return. And so far it has been pretty good!

Some of the highlights:

• Moving into my new place which is smaller, but vastly better than my old one 
  
  
  
• Taking a week of Spanish classes in Antigua to jump start my confidence (it worked although I need to keep working on it as I have already forgotten things I learned)

• Running a half marathon (21K to the people here) through the city. It was a new PR for me, but I think what I am most proud of is the fact that I was tired and miserable by kilometer 7 and still pushed hard enough to the end to get a PR. (I have another race (maybe 10K, maybe 21) this month as well as a trail half in October)
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• Reconnecting with the teachers who were here last year and building closer friendships with many.  
• Meeting a lot of new teachers who are fun and ready to go on adventures
• I started teaching a weekly boot camp type class (core, arms, legs) for teachers in which we work out for an hour and kick our butts. This is big for me because I rarely feel comfortable teaching anything to adults. But we have fun and I am sure I will have the buffest arms of my life pretty soon!
• I reconnected with some Guatemalans I met last year and through them found a trail running group that could be amazing. I am pretty sure I will have a lot more on this later as I have only run with them once. But they run 8-10K during the week (not every week unfortunately) and then 18-20K on weekends. And they have connections so they can run on trails in places that I would not be allowed on even if I knew where they were. They also climb volcanoes which I love.
• I read Scott Jurek's book Eat and Run and am revamping my food (more on this will probably also come in a later post).
• And my students are amazing. They are so excited to be in middle school, listen well (at least so far) and are gong-ho about just about anything (including running across a field and saying hello to flowers!). I am super excited about what we can do this year.

Also, for the next month (at least) and I going to post weekly.  I am hoping this will get me in the habit of writing more.  I think about writing a lot, but don't actually do it.  

So that is a super brief version of what I have been up to. No big adventures, but a lot of little good things going on. And I am pretty content with that :)

Devastated

I can only recall two times in my life when I have been truly devastated; one was yesterday and the other was three years ago today. Three years ago, this world lost Ryan Gosciejew. He was my boyfriend of 2+ years, the best friend I have ever had, and a sharer of my soul. Some of the best times I have had in my life were when I was sharing them with him. We, ultimately, had different images of our future when ended our relationship, but that did not lessen my sorrow, guilt, loss when he was gone. He was an amazing man. We climbed mountains together, explored caves, laughed, cried, and grew as a couple and as individuals.

When I heard of his death, I was on a 19 state road trip visiting friends and seeing the country. My instinct was to just end the trip and go home. But after talking to friends and family, I continued on. The final two friends that I visited were a blessing. I had never needed people like I did then, and I got more than I could have expected. It was nothing huge, just an ear, a chance to cry, support, and love. I received the same from other friends and family when I returned home. I had friends who shocked me with their support, advice, time, hugs. I quickly learned what an amazing community I had.

One of the many mountains we climbed together

Love this man

Every year since, on June 27th, I have tried to do something to honor Ryan. This year I had decided to spend the day in Williams' Canyon, hiking and exploring.  Williams Canyon was one of the first places Ryan and I went as we were getting to know each other and was a place Ryan loved.  Williams is home to The Cave of the Winds as well as numerous, non-public, caves.  Ryan was an active caver and even helped dig out many of the new caves they were finding in the canyon.  It is also where I can go and feel close to him. But my plan to spend the day there literally went up in flames on Saturday.

On Saturday, I was on my way to Manitou to have lunch with friends when I noticed a small amount of smoke coming from the Waldo Canyon/Williams Canyon area. We have had smaller fires near Colorado Springs before, so I just figured they would put it out and we would be okay. But that was far from what happened. The first day, the fire grew to 2,500 acres and is now up estimated at over 15,000. I don't know for sure how much of Williams' Canyon is burned, but I know it is not the canyon I learned to love as I was falling in love with Ryan. And last evening, the fire jumped the last canyon keeping it out of the city.  It burned down Flying W Ranch which had stood and entertained people for 60 years; and then it started burning homes. Some were homes of friends, other friends are still waiting to see what happens. I am devastated. It is so hard to see the city I grew up in, the city I love, burn to the ground.

Fire from Manitou about 30 mins after it had started

Fire a day later

Houses burning due to the Waldo Canyon Fire - Denver post photo

The fire exploding on Tuesday evening as winds picked up quickly - photo by Sarah Condie

Luckily my family and I are okay, as are our homes. And, all of my friends are okay, even if some of their houses are not. Once again, I am surprised by the community. I have been glued to the news, the fire scanner, facebook and twitter for much of the past two days. Through them I have seen how strong the community of Colorado Springs is, and how strong my small community of friends is. There are volunteers, donations, support for fire fighters and evacuees coming from all over the city. My guess is they will continue and grow as the fire has. And the support my friends and I have been able to give each other lets me know that I will be okay after this is all over.  

“Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go.”

The T.S Eliot quote (one of my favs) felt appropriate as this past month I have been able to watch people do things they once thought was not possible; or at least were highly unlikely. I also saw that I should not doubt myself, but, this time, that was not the best part.

Xela to Lake Trek

Since arriving in Guate, I have heard about a hike you can do from Quetzaltenango (second largest city in Guatemala) to Lake Atitlan. People who had done it talked about it and two friends (Krista and Ashleigh) had talked about wanting to do it. I am always up for a hike, so I was in without knowing anything about it. If you care to know, go here: http://www.quetzaltrekkers.com/guatelagoatitlan.html.

Getting ready to head out, day 1

So we planned it for the last long weekend of the school year. Ten of us were going. As the date neared, nerves started getting the better of some. No doubt it would be a hard hike: three days, full backpacks, 45 km, elevations of 3050m; but never did I think anyone would not make it. Others were not so sure. Lucky for them, others of us don't let people back off :)

The hike was amazing. We went through beautiful cloud and rainforests, numerous small villages, and had a great time. There was a lot of laughing, some beautiful singing; everyone was easily getting along with each other. But there were also doubt. There were many times when I heard "I think I am going to catch the bus at the next road crossing" or "tomorrow I am just going to ___ and then will take the bus the rest of the way." But it did not happen. And it did not even take all that much encouragement! With each point we passed still as a group, I felt more and more excited. It is a trip I would take again (assuming there is not a new adventure out there to grab) and will always remember.

Enjoying the hike!

End of day 1.  Tired, but still going!

Children in one of the villages we passed through on day 2

Having fun at sunrise over Lake Atitlan - and a great new cover photo for this blog :)

Coban Medio Maraton

Another thing I heard about again and again was the 1/2 marathon in Coban. It is the biggest race (numbers, not distance) in Guatemala, but what I heard from people did not make me really want to do it. I heard that it was hilly and hard, it was a miserable run, there were too many people, and any number of other un-encouraging things. But, I had friends (Kelly and Pam) who were going to run it and figured I should do it at least once; it is the biggest after all.

I was initially excited, but as my training started going down the gutter, I was getting less and less so. It is difficult to run in Guate unless you don't mind doing lap after lab or you have a car to take you places more conducive (aka safer) to running. I started thinking I wasn't going to run. But Kelly somehow knew and took me to sign up. I think she has a 6th sense about it, because as I was getting frustrated with the fact that a long run meant 15+ laps around school, she asked if I wanted to join them on their weekend run. I was starting to feel better about the whole thing, until I pulled something in my calf (or at least I think that is what it was, I never actually got it looked at as I put off doctors as long as possible). At one point I actually thought "yes I have an out." But that was not the case as it only took a week to heal. So, I was packed and heading to Coban to run a race that I heard is terrible, feeling quite unprepared for the whole thing.

I don't know if my training was better than I thought or if the people just gave me the energy I needed, but the race was amazing. I have done races that are more beautiful (Desert Rats in Fruita, for one), but never have I been so overwhelmed by people. On the whole course, the biggest space between people cheering was not larger than 20 meters. My favorite moment was coming down a hill to arrive in a town where the streets were lined with girls in traditional clothing singing. If I had a camera, I would have stopped to film it. It was so beautiful; I had tears in my eyes. I have never experienced anything like that. Hopefully I will again some day.

One of the lead runners passing the singing girls.  I love this photo!

Amazing how photogenic I am when running :P

In the end, I ran faster than I thought I would and only had trouble the last 3K. I think part of it was the energy of the people, but I also think that I (as I tend to do) had underestimated what I was capable of.

Kelly and Pam, much more photogenic :)

After finishing, I waited at the finish for my friends. Security asked many times for me to go, get my metal, and relax, but I was not going anywhere (I just pretended I did not understand!). This was the first 1/2 marathon for both Kelly and Pam and I was going to be there at the finish to cheer them on. Being able to watch them finish once again brought tears to my eyes, they were amazing.

Tired and happy finishers!

I think goals are an important part of life. I know I am more motivated in all parts of my life when I have big goals, and not much is better than the feeling of achieving something you once doubted you could do. I love it for myself, and love sharing those times with others. It is something that can never be taken away.

Next goal: Miami marathon, January 2013 :)

One Lucky Girl

Leading up to spring break (aka Semana Santa) I was hesitant to tell anyone that I was excited about going. From my sister I have learned to plan trips before you get to your destination and pack them full of things to do (it is a great way to travel), but none of that was happening. I had my flight to and from Nicaragua and a hotel in Granada as well as hostels reserved in Leon. I also had two hikes tentatively (they needed others to sign up as well) set up for my solo time in Leon. But nothing was planned for Granada. This caused me stress. I was afraid we would spend the days trying to decide what to do, or drinking, or eating four hour meals, or walking around and around the city.

This is not what happened at all. The first day did resemble my fears a little, but even that was not bad. And we used that time to plan adventures on a volcano and kayaking around the islands in lake Managua. During my time in Granada I saw amazing views, did activities that I love, and spent time with some good friends, what more could I have wanted in a vacation?

Volcan Mombacho 

Kayaking with Ashleigh

And, as it turns out, having things planned out does not always lessen my stress about things. For the second half of the week I was unable to find anyone wanting to do what I wanted to do (hike!) so I went out on my own. I had heard that people in Nicaragua are friendly and willing to help and that it is a much safer country than Guatemala. But I was still nervous.

I am this weird combination of being extremely independent and yet not overly confident. I am willing to do things on my own if I need to, but it takes encouragement or psyching myself up and always involves a lot of stress. So when I am able to do things that I want, but am afraid of, I get a boost that I wish I could hold onto every day of my life. Three big things (at least big to me) that I was able to accomplish on this trip were: eating alone, speaking Spanish, and riding the buses alone.

I have friends who are good at eating alone. I am not. When I was traveling Europe alone (only a week) I would buy things at the store and eat them in my hotel/hostel room rather than eating out. I even went to McDonalds when I was in Switzerland because it was easy and everything else scared me. In Leon, I only ended up eating two meals alone, but I was proud of myself for it (bringing a book helped). My Spanish is pretty decent, so I don't know why I have issues using it, but I do. I worry about making a fool of myself by saying something dumb. In Leon I had to use it as many people didn't speak English. I even had someone ask me for help because they didn't speak Spanish, that felt good! And the transportation is pretty easy, I was just worried I would end up on the wrong bus. It was actually really easy.

But, in the end, my biggest lessons came during the last adventure of the week and after returning home. The second hike I did involved sledding down a volcano (similar to the Sand Dunes only gravel, not sand), backpacking up and around other volcanoes, and swimming in a crater lake. Regardless of anything else, it was going to be a lovely two days. What made them into two days I will not forget were the people. I don't easily click with people. I don't know if my interests are different, if I am too picky, if I missed some important day in middle school where that was taught, or what, but it rarely is it simple. This time it was. The first part of the hike, that included eight others who were just volcano boarding, was great: conversations flowed, and fun was had. It became even better when five of us put on our packs and headed up volcano number two. The rest of our two day hike I rarely questioned what I was going to say, or how I was going to act, or any of those annoying things I tend to do on a daily basis. It was just simple and, for me, that makes it amazing. I don't know if the others felt the same way, I hope they did since they game me so much more than the views and time outdoors could have alone.

Hiking up Cerro Negro so we could sled down!

Hard to not enjoy days that end this way

The great hiking crew: Me, Gabriel, Mike, Talia, and Aymie

When I got back to Guatemala, I was excited to share my stories of Semana Santas, hear others' and, of course, to share my photos on facebook :) On those photos, my dear friend Denise Gosciejew left the comment "You sure are one lucky girl!". It brought tears to my eyes. Despite heartaches I have experienced, the stress in my life, my confidence struggles, I am an extraordinarily lucky girl. I am having adventures I never thought I would, I have family and friends that support me in those adventures and I am meeting new people who continue to help me grow. I gained a lot from my time in Nicaragua, remembering to be grateful for it all is the best lesson I could have received. I will forever hold tightly to that.

Hikes I did, incase you are interested:Full Moon Hike and El Hoyo backpacking