Home?

Today I was asked (for about the 10^th time) “are you glad to be home?” Not only does that question have me pondering where I would rather be at this time, but it also make me think a lot about the word “home.” Where is that exactly? Is it where you live? Is it where you grew up? Is it where your family is? Hard to know. If I always refer to Colorado Springs as home, I feel as though I am not investing in my time in Guatemala. It is as if I am just visiting for a while while keeping my heart and all that is important back in Colorado. But at the same time I would never question that Colorado is my home. It is where my family is, it is where I grew up, it is a large part of who I am today. As I was getting ready to head back here for Christmas, I keep saying that I was going home. But when the immigration officer asked if I was going home to stay, I said “No, I live in Guatemala.” So now I wonder: is it possible to have more than one home?

My first day in the US in four months felt strange. I didn't have to think about how to say things when I went to the store, I can read the menus, I can have conversations with strangers. It is great and yet strange. Is it possible to get so comfortable in a place in less than four months, that the place you lived for 31 years feel strange? At the airports, I found myself surprised when I heard people speaking english (even though I speak english every day) and keep catching myself saying “con permiso,” “gracias,” etc.

A few weeks ago I was talking to one of the other teachers from the US and he was complimenting me on a 21K race I ran (I was the third female overall!). He has been in Guate for four years and told me that he thinks it is great that I am finding a way to do things outside of school and meeting other people. In his four years he does not believe he has done that. Although I like the idea of becoming a part of Guate and not just a part of CAG, that was not my intention. My intention was to get involved in the things I was doing back in the US. For my sanity I need to hike, I need to run, I need to dance. As it turns out, doing those things not only makes me feel more at home in Guate, it gives me a chance to be meet and spend time with locals. At the race (Desafio de Lava) I saw a number of people who I had met when climbing Acatenango. It was exciting to be able to say hi, good luck, etc to others at the race as I had always done in Colorado. But, during the race, I did miss chatting with other runners. During races like the Ascent and Barr Trail Mountain Race (steady uphills where non-superhumans are speed hiking rather than running), I tend to talk to others. I know enough Spanish to where I was able to ask to pass and cheer others on, but rarely understood what they told me in return. Despite that it was still a ton of fun, I really felt “at home” during that race.

There have been many instances where I really felt comfortable and completely happy doing what I was doing; I did not want to be back in CO, I did not miss the safety and convenience of the US.  And, I love telling people at the market “no soy un torista, yo vivo aqui en Guatemala.” But there are also times where I miss Colorado and think “I can not wait to get home." And right now, I am thoroughly enjoying being in Colorado and with my family. Does that mean I am not fully invested in my time in Guate? Or does it simply mean that I have more than one home?